


Taken memories

by Rona23



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Lance is ooc, Lance´s memories, Lotor is a whimp, Mentions of Murder, but there is a reason for it, implications of Pidge being trans, it´s ridiculous, lance is bi, mentioned generals, there is no actual reason for me tagging anything, why am I doing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 02:03:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12159360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rona23/pseuds/Rona23
Summary: When Lance wakes up he has no memories of where he is anymore.While his teammates find out more about Lance by his change in behavior, the end of the war is closer than ever.The whole story started out fine and ends totally ridiculous. The plot is implied, life is a lie, nothing is real. Have fun.





	Taken memories

**Author's Note:**

> This might feel wrong to some of you readers. For more explanation why I wrote some things the way I did, read the Notes at the end or ask me directly. Just know that I projected my own confusion, worries and scenarios I´ve experienced in this story.  
> I do not mean any harm by any of my words, it´s all part of a personal process of growing. In case I am totally off the point in some regards, please let me know.

When Lance woke up, it felt as if he had just had a dream.   
He took a look around and noticed blurry visions getting clearer and clearer. “Are you okay? Do you hear me?”, was what he heard.  
So … did this mean he just fainted or something?  
He did not remember the room he was in. Though, he did not feel anything either.  
None of the faces were familiar.  
Should he not have been with friends or people who knew him, if he did, indeed, faint?

If he had not been in bed seconds ago, like he had supposed he was, while having this weird dream he did not even remember, that made the last part certain, right?

So why did he not remember this place? These people?   
Why did he faint anyway?   
“Where am I?”, he instantly asked. He was not in panic. In fact, he was feeling fine and those people seemed determined to help him. They were no threats, he supposed.   
Why was he even questioning if they were?

So first of all, he needed to know where he was and start from there.  
Maybe he just forgot and those people around him would tell him where he was.

If he did not remember by then... did that mean his whole previous life was a lie and the world he just woke up in was actually the real world?  
If that was the final truth, Lance thought to himself, than what did that mean exactly?  
For some weird reason, he was not afraid of this thought.  
If that was the truth, this would be an amazing story to tell people someday and the perfect opportunity to start over again.

“Don´t worry, you are still here.”  
Lance almost chuckled at that. That did not exactly answer his question.   
He tried to sit up. But the black haired guy in front of him gently pushed him back to the ground.  
“What happened?”  
Great, Lance. Perfect way to get to know people. Be a stereotype.  
But, did he have a choice? He had to start at something familiar or else he might start to panic.   
Though, he did not feel that something like that was about to occur.

Suddenly he was reminded by the fact that he was troubling those people in front of him.   
He himself was not hurt, so someone must have caught him before he had hit the ground!  
Well – at least he did not feel hurt.  
Mentioning the ground. That shit was colder than expected.  
“How long was I out?”, he asked. But the question in his mind was something else.

,How much of your time was wasted because of me? Did I hinder someone else you were supposed to be helping? Did you miss some important meeting because of me?´

“Not that long. How do you feel?”, the deep voice belonging to the black haired man still stared at him, smiling at him.  
,Wow, what a nice stranger.´, Lance thought instantly and smiled back at the warm feeling that radiated from the guy in waves.  
“I am fine, actually.”, and that was the pure truth, Lance thought to himself.

“Please, do not stand up yet. Your heart rate is still low. Please stay like this for now, alright?”, another kind voice said to him. This time it was a woman.   
Lance would be an idiot not to think she was probably the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Except for his mother maybe.   
So he nodded in understanding. Of course, those people had helped him, for whatever happened. For whatever reason.  
He was more than grateful, really. Listen to them was the least he should do, though he still felt fine. 

For some reason he felt like he had just woken up from a very comforting sleep and therefore was more than well rested.

Though they let him lay down for another half an hour. Each five minutes asking if he was feeling alright on repeat.  
Lance always gave the same answer, with the same reassuring smile.   
Though he still felt bad for making them so worried for no reason.   
Almost pathetic that he had passed out.  
Whatever he had been doing before. He should have known better, right?

Suddenly the beautiful woman with the tanned skin and soft white hair looked at him critically again.   
“Do you remember your name?”, she asked and Lance almost laughed.  
“Yeah, I am Lance.”  
She still looked at him, as if she was expecting something more. ,Wait a second. Should I not have asked her her name too?  
Oh, shoot. I never asked any of their names. Plus, I did not even thank them!´

“Ehm. Sorry, for saying it this late, but thank you for helping me!”

Lance decided it was too late for asking their names. After all, he had a big family and most of the people in his village knew him. Mostly even people he himself had never met before.  
Maybe it was the same with these guys.   
They probably expected him to know their names. It would hurt them if he didn´t.  
He would find a way around addressing them, then.

But no matter what, they still deserved thanks.   
Even if it was late.   
Even if he just reminded them that he had forgotten all about it.   
Even if his voice was not as sincere as he actually felt for their concern, though he felt bad for wasting their time.  
They deserved it.

“Thank goodness. I really thought, Haggar did something to his mind.”, the black haired guy sighed in relieve. Leaving Lance in confusion.  
“Who´s Haggar?”, he asked. The guy and the woman exchanged looks.  
“You know, the planet we went to, some time ago. That planet with the ´thousand of models´.”, the guy was making quotation marks with his fingers.  
“Haggar had used those girls to get you captured. You were gone for about a month! We´ve been searching the whole universe for you.”

Well, now Lance was wondering if the guy was taking drugs.  
“Are you alright, buddy? You seem confused.”, Lance dared to laugh at the joke the guy had just made.  
But he just slowly let his arms sink to his sides, as he made a quick glance to the woman next to him, equally worried, obviously.  
“Why would you think that? You were the one they made experiments with, so you would tell them something about Voltron.”, he slowly stated, as if afraid that this was too much information for Lance´s brain.

“Wow, you really must have hit your head or something!”, Lance sat up a bit.   
“First of all, how would I get to another planet and be stuck with some “Haggar” for about a month, if I was just at home! Also, what the hay is Voltron? Sounds like a child´s toy.”  
Concern now mirrored in his own eyes as he studied the guy in front of him.

But the man was unable to answer, as he opened his mouth, just to close it again.  
“Did I- Did I say something wrong?”, Lance asked, irritated. The guy seemed beyond confused. Beyond shocked even.  
He was frightened.

“Lance, where do you believe you are?”

“You just said I was ´still here´.”, Lance copied the quotation marks the other guy had used as a gesture before. Good. Now he sounded rude.  
Good way to get to know people who might already know you from somewhere.  
His siblings would probably kill him later.

“Look, I´m sorry. I have just fainted somewhere, then woken up to a strange place with you guys and honestly, I just don´t know either of you, okay?  
How do you guys know me anyways? Do you know some of my -”, Lance stopped at the incredulous look the stranger was giving him.  
Well- didn´t he say so already? This was what you got for being honest. You only hurt other people.

“You- you don´t remember us? Neither of us?”  
“I´m sorry, I really don´t. My family´s biggest hobby is to introduce me to random people all the time. Sometimes I am drunk even.   
This is nothing personal, really.”  
Lance was trying to mirror his apologizing feeling in his smile, but he knew the guy was hurt by his words.  
It was not until he answered that Lance got even more confused.

“Of course it is something personal, if you forget about us! There are only five of us here from earth! We are in space, Lance! We are the defenders of the universe!”

“Alright, calm down! I really appreciate that you helped me and all, but man, you sure need to settle down with these drugs you are taking, because that is in no way healthy!   
In case that is a joke, I doubt it is the right time for that, don´t you think?”

\----------------------------------

Keith was shook. Frightened, terrified, horrified even. He was at the border to some kind of irresponsible wish to jump out of the next air lock.   
Because holy quiznack. Lance lost his memory.

At the beginning Keith was still hoping that he was imagining things. Like, really and honestly. Even if it meant that he himself was hallucinating and that maybe Lance´s suggestion he was on drugs was actually the truth.  
Or the guy was just messing with them.

But Hunk´s arrival proved the worst case scenario, along with the fact that Lance was absolute serious.   
When the yellow paladin saw Lance, he almost screamed in happiness that his best friend was finally awake again.  
But when Lance just stared at him and tried to shake his hand, to introduce himself, the guy almost had a meltdown. 

Pidge and Allura were practically analyzing Lance´s physical state, all the while everyone was watching the process.  
Shiro was just standing around, observing the process with crossed arms.  
Coran seemed just as curious as the girls, but something seemed to be bothering him as he tried to look at the blue paladin from different angles.

“So, ehm. Are we done yet? I am actually feeling fine. I don´t mind if someone accompanies me home, though.”, Lance stated at one moment and most of them almost laughed relieved.  
It took them a while to realize that Lance´s invitation to accompany him home was not solely directed at Allura, as they had expected as an attempt to flirt, but at all of them.  
Especially Keith.

At the sudden change in attitude, Lance seemed to have realized something was wrong.  
“Eh, I mean, only if you want of course.  
You do not have to. I just thought it might be a better idea to bring me home, in case I faint again.  
Also I still don´t get where I am and might need some help to get there.”

Staring. That really was the only answer there was.

“How much did he forget?”, Pidge finally broke the silence in shock.

“What do you mean I forgot?! How long was I out? Does my mom know I´m here?”  
That panicked reaction was kind of – off.

“Lance, buddy? Would you tell me what is the last thing you remember? Or rather, the biggest event of that time?”, Hunk finally interfered.   
This was an actual relieve. Hunk knew Lance best. He should know everything about Lance´s childhood, right?

Wait a second.

If Hunk and Lance were really childhood friends, why did Lance not remember him either? After all, Lance seemed to remember his family.

Lance paused for a second, but then obviously decided that there was nothing wrong with the question. “May you tell me your name first, though? And maybe, who you think you are to me?”

Hunk took a deep breath.   
“I am Hunk Garret. I am your best friend since the Garrison. You called me that after the first day we met there. You told me a lot about your family, so I kind of know you best in this room.”, he slowly explained.

Lance seemed to actually think about that first.  
“That is quite the statement, you know, right? First of all, I doubt meeting you at the first day in some space school would make you my best friend.  
Second of all, why would I want to go to the Garrison? Sure, my father is some kind of high society member thanks to it, but I never intended to go there.”

Lance´s explanation was met with surprise.   
“Of course you wanted to go there!”, after what felt like an hour, Keith was the first to retrain his voice.  
“You were a cargo pilot, until the day I was kicked out from fighter class!   
You always competed with me, don´t you remember? You-”

Lance´s eyes slowly widened with each word the red paladin was saying. “You were a fighter pilot? Awesome, man! What happened? Why did they kick you out?”  
Lance stared at him with the brightest smile that had ever been directed at Keith and it stopped him right in his tracks.

“He was kicked out because he punched some officer in his face for saying that my piloting was the cause of our ship to crash on the Kerberos mission.   
May I ask Lance, if you never intended to become a fighter pilot at the Garrison, what did you plan then?”, Shiro answered for Keith.

Lance seemed almost shocked at the reveal of Keith´s story.  
“Are you, are you serious? The Kerberos mission hasn´t even started yet! They are planning it since my father was still a cadet at the Garrison!  
But they are planning to start it next week! I´ve never heard of you and my father had introduced me to everyone who is on that mission.  
He himself is going to be the pilot! You could not cause them to crash. He is the best there is!”

Again, silence greeted him. And even Pidge´s eyes went wide.   
“Are- are you talking about, are you´re perhaps the son of- of-   
Harry Shooter?”  
Lance laughed at that. “Yeah, my father had a really bad taste when it came to faking names.”

“Lance, the first attempt at the Kerberos mission failed three years ago.   
At the time there was some guy who clothed as a cargo pilot and used his disguise to sabotage the ship. The reasons are still unknown.  
Only so much is clear.   
None of the members of the crew made it out alive when the ship exploded.”

Lance just stared at Pidge. Then he blinked.   
He seemed like he wanted to laugh, but at Pidge´s serious and shocked expression, he kept quiet.  
“But I talked to him just a few minutes ago, didn´t I?”, Lance was feeling weird all of a sudden.

Could he believe these people? 

Shiro suddenly looked sick, as he faced Hunk. “Didn´t you tell me, Lance saw me as a hero figure, some time ago?”, he asked, his right hand was trembling.  
Hunk nodded slowly.  
“I suppose I can guess why, now. It was me who discovered the cargo pilot who sabotaged that mission. That was the reason I was put in charge for the next attempt.  
The families of the former members all saw me as such.

The Garrison had quite the issues to find and catch the guy, as I recall.  
That way they at least were assured that the guy was not on the run anymore.  
This is horrible. I never thought Lance was part of one of those families.”

Shiro´s revelation was met with silence.   
It did make sense after all. 

But even though they finally had answered the question why Lance was mad at Keith for being a cargo pilot and why Shiro was his hero, the man they could have asked did not seem to recognize either of these theories.

\-------------------------------

“Lance? Are you alright?”, Allura asked as she entered the living room. Or whatever Lance had once insisted to call it. Though they had dismissed his suggestion.

“Sure thing, princess. You don´t need to ask me that each time you look at me.”, Lance actually laughed at that.  
Allura waited for the final comment. Something along the lines : “I know you cannot get your eyes off of me- but....”  
A wink would have been fine, too.  
Or a cocky grin.  
But Lance only smiled at her in a very un-Lance-like polite manner.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”, he tilted his head to the side.  
Hunk only sighed next to him.  
“She was waiting for you to flirt with her.”

Lance blinked. Then he grinned. “Oh, come on Hunk. You are supposed to be my best friend, right?  
I don´t flirt. Unless-”  
His eyes suddenly widened as he quickly glanced at Allura, only to move towards Hunk again and whisper in his ear. He was not exactly quiet, but he was actually trying to.  
“Are the both of us – like- a thing?”

Hunk opened his mouth to answer, but decided against his snarky comment to shake his head.  
And Lance? Lance actually sighed in relieve.  
“I really don´t mean to be rude, but – my god – I don´t think this would have worked out, anyway, right?”  
His smile, once again, was apologetic and honestly? Hunk, as well as Allura were kind of creeped out by it.

“W-why would you think that?”, Hunk finally managed to ask.   
“You know, I could say it is because she is absolutely stunning and strong willed and stuff, but actually,   
Allura? You really remind me of my mother.”

Pidge, who had silently been calculating something on her laptop suddenly perked up and stared at Lance. Okay, a few glances focused on Allura´s reaction too, as Lance gave her a gentle, an honest, if not fond smile.  
“She is the most amazing person I have ever met in my life. I mean, sure, she does not look exactly like you and I don´t know you that well yet, but my mom really is something out of this world.”  
Lance chuckled at himself.  
“I don´t usually tell this so often, so I guess it is kind of embarrassing, but my mom really helped me figure out some stuff the last couple of years.  
Speaking of which. What did she say when she found out I was leaving earth to fight these Galra things?”

Pidge turned her head to the side, as if searching for someone who would take her burden to answer this question.  
After all, Lance made it quite clear that he loved his mother.   
“She, she never found out. She was probably told that you – that you disappeared or something.”

The silence that followed was heavy at first. And Lance, as expected, looked troubled beyond believe.  
But when Pidge and everyone else present expected him to start crying, a smile spread over his features.  
“Well, I´m sure she would be proud of me.”

And you know what? That was all there was being said.

\--------------------

“Could you show me the lions? I mean, you still want me to believe this whole ´defender of the universe thing´, right?”, Lance approached Allura.  
Alone the fact that Lance was politely waiting for her response, instead of storming of with her in excitement, was reason enough to make her shudder.  
This felt so unfamiliar. Though, Lance was acting really nice and cute, his reactions the past few days had always set her on edge.  
As if the guy was hiding something or rather – trying too much to fit in.

But she could not bring herself to say ´no´ to the boy.  
So they made their way over to the hangars, the ride exciting Lance more than Allura would have expected.

After all, the ride was quite the warm up, no matter who went that way.

It took a while, but soon they reached destination. And Lance´s expression mirrored that of a child who for the first time met Santa Claus.  
Not that Allura was familiar with such a tradition.  
It was a mix of happiness, doubt and trembling, which turned into final believe, as well as trust for the Paladins who he had trouble believing earlier.

“Can I- Can I go inside?”, Lance whispered to Allura, as though he felt he would damage something by talking too loudly.  
“Of course. As long as blue recognizes you. You lost a lot of memories after all. And, if I am allowed to say it, your personality has changed quite a bit.”  
Lance looked up at her at that.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, you know. Your past self has been less – I don´t really know how to describe it, to be honest.  
You were much more of a flirt. Less casual, more outgoing.  
I´ve got the impression you are way more preserved right now. You were not as calm, but just as happy as a child.  
You would always do whatever you wanted, without much care for permission.  
Though you would never train, you would always boast about each and every little thing you did.  
You were confident, loud and – why are you looking at me like that?”

It was true.   
Lance was not only staring at Allura. He was not just smiling, no he was glowing with admiration for his past self? At that description?

“Oh, I´m sorry. I was just thinking I must be a very amazing person then.”

Allura blinked at that at first. Then she opened her mouth to answer, while breathing in quite aggressively.  
“What do you mean by amazing? I just told you how you messed up most of the time!   
Don´t tell me you find that positive?!   
I saw the current you training just about a few hours ago! And now you are smiling at that personality of yours?”

Lance´s smile dropped a little, as he looked up at the blue lion in front of him.

“You know, this sounds like you all hate me.”, Lance whispered and Allura bit her lip. Maybe she did dash out too hard on him.  
“It´s not like that, Lance. It´s just that the former version of you knew absolute no borders and I cannot believe to see you as a person who is actually behaving for once.”

“Don´t you get it, princess? That is exactly what is so amazing to hear. This sounds like – like -   
Like I will finally find a purpose in my life. Like I really am about to become myself. To become happy. To become someone who knows exactly who he is.”

Lance did not say anything after that, but started smiling again. His gaze still focused on the lion. After that he stepped forwards to enter the big robot and thank Altea, blue still opened up to him.

Allura, on the other hand, was frozen to her spot. She had this weird feeling that she had just touched on something really sensible and for the first time she saw Lance hiding something.

Hell, Lance had been homesick before and he had tried to keep it down, but that was only how she noticed that this moment was serious.  
So, until three years ago Lance had been this small, broken little boy who started crying in happiness at the thought of a future as an obnoxious idiot.  
Because he must have realized, and Allura had to admit at least that much, the true Lance was a lovely person. 

Allura could not imagine what could ever change a person so much.  
To a point where he would not be recognizeable.

\---------------------------

“Keith? Would you mind helping me with something?”, Lance asked, as he entered the common room. He looked unsure about whatever he had been thinking about.  
The man in question turned around, rising his eyebrows in suspicion.   
“What do you want?”, he asked and almost cursed at himself for being so rude. “It´s- it´s just a question.”  
Keith waited a few more ticks, expecting Lance to continue talking, but the guy politely waited for a response.  
“Sure, go ahead.”, Keith nodded and Lance hesitantly stepped closer to Keith, just to sit next to him.  
“Actually, it´s- it´s about Pidge.”

This, however, was more than just a surprise. Lance rarely ever talked about Pidge. Mostly, because he rarely understood what she was doing anyway. Perhaps this was why he wanted to talk about her?   
Because this version did not know Pidge at all. Maybe he just wanted to know how someone could be so smart. No. Keith remembered Hunk telling him they had this kind of conversation before. The old Lance of course. But this version of him was hesitating, not praising.   
And this version never hesitated before praising someone else. This version was almost as confident as the old one, just – less outgoing.

Lance must be really troubled about his question.  
Or maybe, this version of Lance liked Pidge?   
He had dismissed his crush on Allura, after all. So, this was a possibility, right?  
Wait a second. Keith stopped his train of thoughts.   
At this point, Keith usually would have felt a pang at his heart or in his guts. But for once, it was another thought, that hindered his sudden, weird jealousy attack.

There was something even he remembered that everyone had been confused about when they first met Pidge. Everyone except Lance. It couldn´t be, right?  
On the other hand, this Lance appeared to be way more observant then the previous one ...

“What gender does Pidge go by?”, Lance asked and it was obvious he felt unsure. Keith´s eyes, however, widened.  
Because Keith, thought someone was playing a prank on him.   
The last time Pidge´s gender had been questioned, Lance had been so convinced she was a guy that he had been shouting at them for weeks about it.  
“Why are you asking me that?!”, Keith stupidly said.  
“I mean, Pidge sounds like the name of a guy. And, not to be stereotyping, but Pidge does act like a guy a lot.  
But then again, Allura called Pidge Katie, the other day.  
I- I did not want to ask Pidge about it, because I actually am afraid that I might hurt their feelings?   
Do you know what pronouns I have to use? I mean-”

Keith inhaled deeply and then hold his breath. Was this for real?   
“Lance? Do you – did you think Pidge was trans?”   
Lance looked at his feet for a few moments as he shuddered. “Is it wrong for me to assume Pidge´s gender? I thought, since they wanted to be called Pidge instead of Katie, I should be using male pronouns, but everybody else uses female ones.  
Is it, because she does not care? Or the others don´t care? Or nobody asked?  
To be honest. I don´t like the word trans. I – I always considered people either female or male. Depending on what they call themselves.   
I´ve always had this feeling that the word trans indicated that someone was – less of their gender, you know?  
I know that is wrong. I should not even be saying this. Oh my god. It´s just. If someone was born a girl, but realized after a while, they were a guy rather than a girl, I figured they could not be less of a guy because of it.

I know it´s weird for me to say that. I don´t really know much about transgender. I just – I never know what´s right anymore.

Keith was quiet for a second there. Lance had actually been taking Pidge´s feelings into consideration to this silly point?  
“Before I answer that question, why don´t you ask her yourself?”

Lance looked up at that, but turned his gaze back at the ground only seconds later.  
“When I was in middle school, there was this person who I had trouble pointing out there gender with.   
So I asked her what her gender was. It really offended her.”

“But, at least you asked, right?”, Keith commented. “Well- I don´t think it was that easy. This was nothing that should have interested me at all.  
I did not know her and she was a lot older than I am. Plus, my family might be fine with a lot of things that are changing in this world, but they did teach me there were only two gender.  
Which, transgender people still apply to, but that is besides the point.  
So I might have asked her if she was male or female, instead of asking for her gender. I put two labels on her without considering her feelings about it. Perhaps she was transgender and I forced her to out herself? I don´t know? I have no idea.”

Keith waited for more, but Lance was silent for a while.   
“I don´t want Pidge to hate me, you know?”  
Keith nodded. Again, he kept thinking for a while, before he answered: “Pidge is a girl. Pidge Gunderson is her male alias. She created him as her only possibility to go to the Garrison, when they kicked her out.  
She does not really care about her pronouns though. She uses they/them sometimes too.   
But, you know, she would not have been angry at you for using the wrong pronouns. She would have corrected you, if she felt the need to.”

Lance sighed in relieve. “You´re right. I just thought that perhaps she went through the trouble of coming out to us already.  
I bet, if I had met her at the Garrison and become friends with her, and everyone would have called her by her male pronouns, I would have expected she was a guy.”

Keith´s eyes widened at that. “You mean, you only questioned her gender, because we always switch between her pronouns?”  
Lance looked at him with a serious expression. “Of course. After all, she knows herself best.  
And I am the only one who did not have the chance of knowing about it and that is what was confusing me about it.

Now that I am saying this out loud, perhaps you are right. I should have asked her in person.   
That would have been less rude. ” Lance spaced out for a small while, seemingly talking to himself.

“Why is this so important to you, anyways?”, Keith asked. Lance flinched at that. Before his eyes widened, as though he had not thought about this.  
“You are right. This has nothing to do with me! I am only putting people into boxes again, aren´t I?!”, he asked himself and Keith could read the uncertain and regretful words on his face.

“I am so sorry, Keith, could we pretend I never asked you this question?”  
Without waiting for an answer, Lance had already left the room, leaving Keith all by himself. 

What in the world had just happened?

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

It happened slowly.   
2 weeks to be precise, for the team to realize that this Lance was not the guy they were used to knowing.

This Lance was training more than Keith was. He never slept in, in the mornings. No mention of his beauty sleep.  
Also, he kept studying. Something Hunk told them, Lance didn´t even do on earth.

He was not any smarter, per se. He still made the same mistakes as before, but he kept apologizing and what´s even more – he kept trying.  
But this Lance was not happy. He was confident, sure, he also smiled and laughed a lot.

Still, if you compared this Lance to the overly joyful Lance who flirted with every girl he ever saw on a planet, this version reminded you of a puppet.  
You could almost see the strings that were controlling his whole persona.

Though, they didn´t know what those strings were attached to.

What they knew, however, was that Lance started spending most of his time with Keith of all people.  
Perhaps it was the conversation they had about Pidge that made Keith understand that this Lance was a thinker.  
That in it´s whole was actually too much for Keith.  
It made them hang out more, though. Lance started telling him about earth. About his family, his former friends.  
This was nothing new, of course. Only that he was talking about his father, instead of his mom was new.

“My father is a rather serious guy. I mean, of course he cares about me a lot, but it´s hard to have fun with him.  
My mother is very different. She laughs almost all the time.  
Maybe that is why I trust her more than him.”, Lance was rambling again, staring at the stars like usual.

Keith looked up at that. It was hard to listen to Lance for hours and still be focused on the actual topic, but whenever Lance started talking about his family, it was as if the guy lost all his connection to reality.  
Keith knew that was probably the reason why he himself kept perking up in those moments.

“May I ask you something?”, Keith interjected, not exactly knowing what he had wanted to ask.  
“Sure. Go ahead.”  
“How come you never flirt with any of the girls we meet on any planet?!”, he asked without thinking. It had been the first thing that came to mind.  
Even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer by now.  
Well, they still didn´t know whether the old Lance would remember anything this version of him said. They didn´t even know if he would ever become his old self again.

But his flirting had been the most evident difference between the two.  
Keith found, he kind of missed it. It was such an essential personality trait of Lance.   
It kind of sucked all of the fun out of missions.

“Actually, I don´t know why the guy you got to know would ever do that.”, Lance answered thoughtfully.  
“Since Allura asked the same question, i´ve been thinking about this a lot.   
But I just cannot figure out why I would flirt with so many girls all the time. I mean, sure my father always wanted me to get a girlfriend and all,  
but I don´t think I would change my personality for that.

After all, I like guys too.”

Keith froze for a second, catching Lance´s attention.   
“Don´t tell me you didn´t know?!”, Lance positioned himself directly towards Keith, to stare into his eyes.  
This was actually the first time he ever did it.  
Keith recalled Lance doing this all the time, looking directly into the eyes of the very next person he was talking to.  
This Lance however, always lowered his gaze, when someone tried to speak to him on the same eye level.

“This was not supposed to be a secret.”, Lance averted his gaze and Keith could finally breath again.

What does one do, when their crush confessed something so vital to you.  
Keith couldn´t respond. But he didn´t need to.

 

“ATTENTION PALADINS! Prince Lotor is seeking contact with us.”

 

\--------------------------------------------

 

“We will never give up fighting you! We will destroy your whole fleet! And we will bring peace to the universe!”  
Allura was in the middle of her rant to a violet painted Galra who was being broadcasted on the castle ship intercoms as the rest of the paladins entered the control room.

“I do not seek to find you, princess.  
In fact I have come to hand myself over to you.”

Allura opened her mouth to say something, while her brain was still processing what Prince Lotor was saying in this very moment.  
“What?!”, was all she coud say for now.

“I give up. I have realized my doing was wrong and I am willing to help you reconnect the universe under the command of Voltron. The Galra empire is over.”

“I don´t buy it.”, Allura said and crossed her arms. Hunk, however, lowered his arms in confusion.   
Everyone knew Hunk was the guy on the team who knew people best.  
If this was a trick, it would have been an obvious one and it would be impossible to fool him with that.  
The thing was, that Lotor seemed so convinced of his own words and was being so honest that even Hunk believed him.  
Or rather, he was the only one.

“Is that the bad guy we were fighting? Prince – Lotion?”, Lance whispered in Keith´s ear who nodded with a serious expression.

“Look. I know this sounds totally weird and wrong and whatever you want to think of it.  
But- “, he sighed. “I also need to give one of your paladins his memories back.”

Everyone sucked in their breaths.   
Lotor obviously regretted his words immediately.  
“I know. This sounds even more suspicious, but let me explain.   
I had planned to capture one of your paladins to read his or her mind and gather all the information I would need to infiltrate your basis.

However, I didn´t know I would capture a paladin who has been through – so much – to become himself.”, Lotor sighed as he brushed his hands through his own hair.

“You are not going to tell us, Lance´s memories got to your heart and made you realize what an awful being you are, right?  
Because you made people suffer all through the universe. Thousands of people have been through so much more than Lance. You do realize that this sounds way too good to be true, right?!”, Keith interjected.

But Lotor sighed again.  
“Not many people get rejected by their own father in such a harsh way. And I thought, MY father was evil.  
I mean, I could have understood that he would exile him or something, for being a little different.  
But a father who tries to kill his own son is -”

Lance went pale as everybody pierced their eyes through him.

“Your father tried to kill you?!”, Keith couldn´t stop himself asking. Lance stared at him wide eyed. “Of course not! How could you believe this guy?! Isn´t he our enemy?  
This is a trick!”, Lance shouted as he stormed out the room. The only thing stuck on his mind the pitiful glances from the Galra they were supposed to fight.

 

\-----------------------------------

 

Lotor had handed himself over, as promised. His generals were not with him, as he had allowed them to decide themselves whether they would stay on his ship or follow him into prison.  
But they had come as well, on their own request.

“If it is true that Lance´s father wanted to kill him – why would we give him his memories back then?”, Keith asked suspiciously.  
“Because this made him who he is today. Or rather – who he had been.  
I´ve seen glimpses of his previous character. That guy was nice and honest as hell, but he was keeping himself back.  
Only to please his father. The one time he tried to open up – well, I told you that already.  
When his father died, he finally managed to become himself. “

“Wait a second. I thought he was grateful that Shiro had discovered the murderer of his father?!  
If what you´re saying is true, why would he -”  
“You think a child like him couldn´t have friends along his fathers acquaintances? The previous version of your friend here had lots and lots of friends.  
When he opened up, that changed. Only people who really cared for him and himself alone stayed. One of those was you, Hunk.”

Hunk watched Lotor as if trying to figure out if he was lying or not.  
But it sounded about right.

“Is there something else you want to tell us about our paladin?!”, Coran questioned quizzically.   
“Actually, I think you all should appreciate him a bit more.  
Only your leader, the black paladin has ever noticed what a great shot he actually is. I´ve never seen such a naturally gifted sharpshooter.   
You rarely even consider his plans or -”

“I don´t think you should be the one telling us about that!”, Hunk stopped him and Lotor sighed again.  
“I know. I´m sorry. I´ve seen his memories and everything he has been thinking about those past few phoebs (months).  
Also what he´s been living through for more than 2 deca-phoebs (years).  
It´s hard not to get angry at life while thinking about it. But you are right. I should not be the one telling you about it.  
Your paladin needs his memories back so he can tell you himself.”

 

\-------------------------------------

 

“Are you ready, Lance?”, Pidge asked, a worried tone present in her voice.  
“I don´t know. Just do it, so we get over it quickly.”, Lance answered. He gulped as he tried not to think about the metallic objects pinned on his forehead.  
Lotor´s machine was terrifying, at least for the person who all those vibrant noises and – things – were attached to.

Pidge as well did not seem so sure about what she was doing. Though she had checked the whole system for bugs, system errors, functionalities and whatever a Pidge could check a system for.   
But she just bit her lip and then activated the machine.

Nothing happened, but the fact that Lance was closing his eyes.  
“Isn´t it working?”, Hunk´s hesitation was evident.  
Pidge shook her head. “Apparently this is how this thing works. How long will it take for him to get his memories back, Lotor?”, she asked and Lotor, still handcuffed and cross legged on the floor answered with a sad smile.  
“It took about a month to take it. It should take just as long for him to get it back.”

“What? This long?”, Pidge almost screamed.  
“Of course. We cannot pressure him into getting his memories back. Also he needs some breaks so he can fully recover and work through all of the new information he is getting.  
For him it´s probably like living through all of it again.  
Anyways. I think I should tell you that I already made it public that I gave up on my position as prince.  
Some part of the universe is probably falling apart by now. We should take care of that part first.”

Lotor answered and turned towards Allura by the end of his rant.  
“I don´t know if you really mean what you are saying, but of course we will. “

“So that´s it then, huh? This is the end of the Galra empire. Caused by the memories of one of our paladins. And we only know glimpses, right?!”, Keith thought to himself while watching Lance being fast asleep.  
“Voltron is just a weapon. I´ve realized now, peace cannot be obtained by war.  
Or taking what we wanted.   
But if there would be someone who could give, instead of taking, that is what will bind us together.”, Lotor smiled to himself.  
It was Hunk who ruined the end of this small story.   
“This sounds rather than a lecture told in a christmas story than a lesson you learned.”

**Author's Note:**

> There are two main topics discussed in here.  
> When I woke up after I lost too much blood and fainted, this is precisely how I felt in that very moment. Everyone who wants to tell me I should have been frightened or whatever, I wasn´t.  
> This was the most chill moment in my life.
> 
> the second one is kind of - discussable.  
> It´s Lance debating about whether Pidge is trans or not. This is also how I feel sometimes. I have this headcanon that perhaps the reason why Lance believed Pidge was a guy (as the only one in the group) was, because he considered she was transgender.  
> He thinks that a transboy is still a guy. But just implicating that a transgender could be any less haunts him sometimes.  
> As weird and rude it might sound. I sometimes feel that way. I´ve always been lucky enough to believe that there was no difference between males and females.  
> I am only starting to realize that this happened due to internalized mysogyny. (My wish to be more like the guys around me. That women are overdoing their boundaries and such. It´s complicated. I should write a book about it.)  
> I want people to understand that it is not wrong for a guy to be feminine and a girl to be masculine in some ways or another. That both are the same.  
> This kind of conflicts my understanding of transgender people. If the binary understanding of gender is an illusion, how can you be born with the wrong gender?  
> "I was born this way, you need to accept me." "Just because I was born like this doesn´t mean I have to be fine with it."  
>  That is why I projected my own confusion in this story.
> 
> I know I should not rely on others to explain this to me, just because I failed to understand it. But I tried educating myself and I failed to the point were I don´t know what is right anymore. Perhaps I should not be writing about stuff I don´t understand completely.  
> Well, others write about things that do not exist, how can they pretend to know what they are talking about?  
> If you do understand this topic more than I do, feel free to out my unknowing self in the comments.


End file.
